How and Why does my roommate drink so many fluid ounces of stuff?  Is he some kind of alien who has to supersaturate his body when he's out of water, or else he'll die?

Where the hell is that Devin Davis record that's supposed to come out ever year?

Can you get a Surf & Turf at White Castle any time?  Or is it a special?

Do you think if he was an alien, he'd be laying in the yard right now soaking up the rain right now so he doesn't have to spend so much money on mountain dew and miller high life later?

Why don't the police care that somebody punched me in the face?

You know what I bet I'd like? In-n-Out Burger.

Am I the only person who thought it was really weird to look for a Torrent of the new Randy Newman album?  That seems...I don't know, like several anachronisms in a car accident.

You know how people used to throw rent parties?  Who would come to one if I threw one?  Also, could this be expanded into Car Payment Parties and Parking Ticket Parties?

Who are the three guys sleeping on the couches in my apartment

So, I live in Chicago.  It's pretty awesome.  Yeah, I miss things about rockford--most notably the people and the Uncle Nicks--but this is a land of opportunity, free hot wings on tuesday (city wide!*), cheap beer at a neighborhood bar, trivia, and not working at a soul-sucking job anymore. 

I don't feel like I've quite gotten my shit together and reeeeally started living here, but I'm creeping up on it.  Tryin' every day.  In a little bit, I'm going to go to a coffee shop and work on finding a job.  My roommate is a giant kid.  This is evidenced by him wanting to keep empty liquor bottles after he's consumed them (and to keep them still int he liquor cabinet) and his inability to, apparently, mop, unclog a drain, or take out the trash before something rots in the kitchen.  It's not as bad as it sounds, but it's definitely like a preview of having a teenager in certain ways.  Oh yeah, and there's porno in the bathroom.

Also, a 12 year old and his probably 14-15 year old brother just showed up on the doorstep to play rock band with my roommate.  This is actually kind of cool and fun, but they reeeeally don't know any of the songs.  It's funny trying to hear a 12 year old kid sing Ballroom Blitz without ever having heard it.

Time to get a jobby job.


*This is a lie. It's just at the bar down the street.

I'm at work right now, on a saturday, and missing my dear Lucy quite badly. I'm at work on Saturday 'cause I felt like a truck hit me on Wednesday night, and I decided to sleep in on Thursday, making me three hours late to work.    But, hey, my whole "thing" right now is being healthy. That's how come I'm gonna go to the gym when I leave here!  And also why I'm drinking a soda.  

Wait.  That's right. Soda's bad. Oops. 

But, yeah. Three hours of lateness to make up for.  There was a time when being 3 hours late to work just meant it was Monday, but that time is no more.  For any of you not in the know, my job has gotten exponentially better in the last 3 months, and I have a new boss, a new department, and a new title (Technical Documentation Specialist.  Shit has eleven syllables!  ELEVEN!) 

You know what I'm working on?  This is the best part.  Two things: first, I'm drafting plans for my intern to follow this summer.  They got me an intern.  A little Technical Documentation Assistant!  I hope he or she is cool, and possibly British.  The other thing I'm researching OUTSOURCING THE BORING TEDIOUS PART OF MY JOB TO INDIA.

Yeah, that's right.  Yes, I know its' bad for the American economy.  For the record, I'm researching outsourcing it to America, too, but my boss stressed to me that if I went to India, The Powers That Be would be more likely to approve the project, assuming we were getting it On The Cheap.  The people who run my company make me a little sick to my stomach. 

Back to work!

I keep meaning to write more here.  I wanted to write about the Eels, and how happy R. Kelly makes me.  The Kells post is still on the way, for sure, but I can't get to YouTube at work, and I think it's important for me to foist several R. Kelly videos on you for you to fully understand how much I like R.K., and why.  Hint: it's not 'cause he's gross.

My boss-boss (who lives in another state, and I've met him maybe six times, and as far as I can tell he is as ineffective as the rest of them at giving my department actual structure or leadership) came in a bit ago and picked up the Billy Bragg boxed set on my desk and said "Huh!  Billy...Braggy.  I've never listened to Billy Braggy."  I'm not entirely sure why, but he sounded completely ridiculous saying that.

The Bowerbirds are better live than they are on the record.  I've complained to a lot of folks that The Bowerbirds sound the same every time I see them play live (a whopping 3 times, I think, but the sets were always nearly identical) but now that I'm back at home and listening to their record, I feel like it was prettier in person, and that they multi-track that girl's voice so much that she starts to sound like the more grating bits of Joanna Newsom.  Still, though, it's a good record, and I hope they keep growing and playing and stuff.  

I'm trying hard to muster up some finished new songs, and it's like pulling my own teeth out.  Except, Walgreens doesn't sell a kit to help you write your own songs.  Unless that kit is, like, a box of booze and candy.

Now that I've got a DS and a Wii (and lots of love for both) is it time to re-up my subscription to Nintendo Power?  It probably isn't.  But it might be.

Yesterday, I was walking to a meeting and humming U Can't Touch This for some reason.  And I got to the part where Hammer says "I've toured around the world/from london to the bay..." and all of the sudden I realized, this was his debut single!  Can you say that in your debut single?  I suspect he hadn't toured anywhere at that point.  I could be wrong, but in the meantime I walked into that meeting thinking "WTF, HAMMER?"  'Cause seriously.  Why you gotta try and front like that?

Or, in my case, everyTHING hurts.  My skin feels hot and achy all over.  This happens when I start to get sick.  Anybody else have that sensation?  How in God's name do you get rid of it?

I don't want to be sick, either.  Not at all.  I'm drinking lots of water, and I'm going to head to Walgreens and Woodmans (the greatest grocery store evar, 'cept for the inconsistent produce) and get some drinks and more airborne.  Right now, I feel like you felt when you were going to get sick on a Friday in school, which almost certainly meant you weren't going to be allowed to do anything for the weekend so you could rest.  Thing is, I really want to see Lucy, I believe we've been invited to a party, even.  A party!  Possibly with soda and pie!  Though my idea of a party may differ from yours.

I also am downloading this week's Heroes and dying to see it in a way that's also making me feel vaguely like a high schooler.  Oh well, what can I say?  Probably not a lot.  So, my plan is to read a bunch, try and do some writing, and play Metroid Prime 3, which I haven't even though about since the last time I LJ'd.

I woke up in the worst mood.  I woke up feeling like I was a rain cloud.  Then, I put on a nice shirt.  My shirt was covered in inexplicable stains.  So, I changed.  Then, I went out to my car, which was covered in what I thought was egg, but which turned out to be some kind of yellow bird crap. 

But, man, it was a beautiful day.  I just didn't want to be pissed.  Somehow, I pulled it off.  I just started to will myself out of it.  I used the dentist appointment to be gone from my office for three hours.  I stopped by Heartland, I went to an excellent butcher shop and bought stuffed mushrooms and crab cakes.

Now, I'm sitting on my couch, my stomach full of stuffed mushrooms and mediocre-but-okay asparagus risotto (which I anticipated--you can't expect good risotto from a box.  I am aware of that.)  I'm planning on playing some Metroid Prime 3 when this episode of Heroes is over, and Lucy's out playing bar trivia with some folks.  I'm feelin' pretty content. 

I'm probably moving to Chicago/The Suburbs soon.   This fills me with excitment, but also with trepidation.  This morning, I was thinking about getting a roommate, and how I hope he or she isn't some kind of abominable monster.  It really is a crap shoot.  But it's sort of a crap shoot in the opposite direction.  For example, here are things that make me a bad roommate:

- I leave the bathroom light on 24/7.  This is how I was raised.  I don' t exactly know why.
- I leave socks everywhere.  I've tried to curtail this by stuffing them in my pockets when I take them off, but I do tend to just take off my socks at random when I cant stand them anymore.
- Dan always wanted me to spray the shower with an anti-mildew spray after I showered.  I never did.  Not once.
- I leave the cable box on, too.  But for heaven's sake!  Who is worried about the level of power consumption of the effing CABLE BOX?

We had a third room mate who was the actual bad one.  His name was Abel.  Here are some highlights of Abel's behavior in our apartment.

- Smeared my illustrated copy of Songs of Innocence and Experience (possibly by accident) with pizza sauce and peanut butter, hid it in a stack of un-smeared books.
- Got pizza sauce all over the walls (probably not an accident.)
- Ate nothing but the most disgusting and processed foods possible (mostly balogna).
- Woke me up drunk one night and talked to me for over two hours about how I "had to admit" I was in love with Dan's girlfriend (now wife), Tricia.
- The smell of his room, thanks to the dirty dishes in it was unbearable.
- Tried to sound extra, extra smart with terrible results whenever he was drunk. (lots of mentioning Sisyphus and saying things like "You see, in chess, much like in Street Fighter, Tim's best offense is a good defense." )
- Oh, yeah.  Drunk Chess.
- Broke into dan's room and ate an entire box of candy bars and two bags of doritos.

Which also reminds me, Dan was a good roommate, 'cause that dude had a whole box of Take 5's in his room.

I encourage you to leave bad roommate stories in the comments.

Current Location: Work
Current Music: the Mountain Goats - From TG&Y